Why its hard to make a change

Sometimes we reach a point in our lives, when we can see we need to make a change. Enough is enough, we are going to tackle this perceived problem or weakness. In this impatient frame of mind, we tell ourselves how we are going to make that change a success. We want a quick fix – we’re going to buy that book that everyone is talking about. We’ll sign up for this course or that course. We’re going to set alarms to remind us to do that thing we’re not doing. We’re going to do something about it, and it’s going to work this time.

And often it does for a short while – and then it gets harder. A bump in the road of life will set us off track. As our attention wanes, old patterns emerge. We forget what we have read, or we don’t take action on the book’s advice. Reading the book is all very good, but if you don’t take the action, then nothing changes. Guilt and shame creep into our thoughts, coupled with frustration and more impatience. This is where we are likely to pack it all in, despite our original good intentions. It wont work… and we can say for sure this time, because we stop trying. 

We give up.

Let’s take a few steps back, to where we had distraction. Reverting to old patterns happens when we stop thinking about what we are doing, instead acting on impulse. Our actions become instinctive, rather than considered.This is how all of us are hardwired to work. Our body and mind are still primed to identify threats, to try to keep us safe. Believing we need to act quickly, we may use behaviours that we can do without consideration, almost like automatic pilot. It’s an easy flick of the switch, so we can focus our energy on the threat we perceive. Without the distraction of a new challenge in our lives, we may have continued towards our goal. But life is always going to throw us curve balls to react to. So how can we make changes, and stick to them?

Changing your mindset

As an emotional empowerment coach, my work focuses on these thought patterns. Specifically, I work with clients on the emotions they feel, sometimes irrational emotions or thoughts that still hold power over us. Instead of feeling as if we’re not in control of how we feel, I use techniques to show you how you can have a sense of control. You may not stop thinking a particular way when a challenge presents itself, but you can change the way you react to those thoughts. This is where the power is – knowing you can choose to have one behaviour or another. 

Making lasting changes

So back to the change you wanted to make, and let’s replay it differently. The same challenge comes up, only this time you can recognise the emotions and thoughts that it triggers. You know that you can decide which of these to hold onto and which ones you want to leave behind. You have tools which help you express emotions, without needing to release them with damaging actions or unhealthy behaviors. You deal with the challenge itself, but also remain focused on your main goal to change. The good intentions you had aren’t sabotaged by guilt, shame or other destructive thoughts. Each continued action or intention takes you closer to where you want to be. A change, one that you wanted to make, is happening-  Success! 

Self Knowledge is a superpower

The more you know about yourself, the better able you are to help yourself to achieve your goals. Coaching offers support in making changes, arming you with tools you can use to keep you on track. Feeling empowered, motivated and balanced, you have a clear perspective on the various elements that make up your life, and you. If you are ready to make a change, please get in touch. I would love to support you and your road to success.