I recently lost my voice.
Not physically but figuratively, I haven’t had much to say or to share so I haven’t been recording lives. But also in my personal life – it has been a learning process, to say the least.
I’ve listened to my self talk. Often I used punishing words to myself, trying to figure out why I just can’t do just get on and do a live video.  “what is wrong with you?”, “this is ridiculous, you’re pathetic”, “you’ll lose your business”, “you’re being an idiot”. I have watched the mechanics of my mind in action trying to erect a meaning to my lack of words – trying to establish a reason and to motivate an action, but nothing. I’ve felt the emotional pressure to connect with social media followers, but I had nothing of value to say. That’s not putting myself down – its how I felt. As an empath being led by my intuition, my live broadcasts come from the heart. They’re prompted by a discussion, from a thought, from previous experience or an idea that comes from relaxing. Yet this intuition has not inspired any topic for a live, so should I have done them anyway?
Some people will argue that from a business sense, presence is a great way to keep people coming back.  I argue that doing a live and offering nothing of quality would demotivate people. What I have learnt is that I don’t need to ‘buy into’ the voices of self punishment.  I don’t need to try and put something out there for the sake of it, you wouldn’t enjoy it and neither would I.
This year has brought changes, personal and professional challenges , pleasures, uncertainty. An enforced 24-hour – 7 day a week present challenges to parenting, emotional turmoil, happiness, no time out… and still there are things that don’t get done. With all that, my energy reserved were drained. I lost motivation and my voice for a while. But it’s OK, it’s not forever. What I wanted most out of this experience is to understand what happened to me.
I have remembered the need to recharge – sunshine definitely helps! And I’ll continue to learn and develop. I need to be honest with myself about what I need at different times, here’s one, I need to be in my own company sometimes, it allows me to move around my head and navigate the next step. I’ll keep working with clients 1:1, getting those awesome results at work. In my personal life, I’ll be the best parent I can be,and ace those challenges.
Maybe this makes sense to some of you after this strange time. Maybe you’ve lost your voice too, or maybe you’ve lost yourself, and it’s OK, Self knowledge is a super power®, learn about yourself. Just because you’re having a thought, or self talk, it doesn’t make it real or true. You do not have to ‘buy into’ them – challenge them, learn from them. Allow yourself the time to recharge, and give yourself a break.