I’ve recently realised what kind of foundation I had developed prior to living with depression, it was a rocky one. I had low self esteem, I compared myself to others, I never felt as good as or good enough, I self punished and self judged, I criticised, I thought all sorts of negative stuff about myself. This gave easy access to an already negative thought pattern to the depression, it rode on the back of the self punishment and exacerbated it, magnifying my worthlessness, my flaws and exaggerated my inability to cope.
I slipped further into my own head on the slow then fast descent into depression, especially when a counsellor made an observation about my parenting, it reinforced the self belief of being a failure and letting everyone else down. My depression had a warm safe place to incubate and multiply until it was in control.
It is still a learning journey of self development and self discovery where every day/ week I learn something new.
This week self acceptance is the skill I am working on. I have been looking at my body and my reflection with acceptance and self love, being tall, hourglass shaped and always a bit bigger than the media portrayed perfection I was always a harsh judge, identifying flaws and looking at ways I should be better, listing the many ways I could look better but this week, I am accepting I am what I am, I accept it all and when I am ready I will change the things I want to change. My perception is changing, my resilience is strengthening and my confidence is soaring, there is also room in my head and heart to enjoy life more.
Self acceptance is how we build a solid foundation where depression and anxiety are not welcome, we challenge negative self criticism and we do not allow ourselves to believe the lies depression and anxiety tell us.