#choose to #giveback

The world and the people in it haven’t always given me what I needed or wanted and for a while I had nothing to give. I became bitter while I struggled with depression, always asking why no one saw, helped or offered help. I needed help but couldn’t ask. Needing help is the best kept secret for most of us, uttering those three little words just doesn’t come naturally or easily. I sat in despair, tears streaming down my face in my house feeling lonely, guilty and sad, my business was failing and my mental health was in tatters.

I hated and questioned and struggled with who I had become, I was not me. I shrunk in personality, in ability and in self esteem (that jar was empty anyway). Everyday was a struggle, I didn’t want to wake in the morning to face another day of desolation, hopelessness and disappointment. I battled with myself until I realised the internal fight was feeding the depression and I needed to understand it to conquer it. Like any creation, we have to understand how the parts connect to eradicate the problems and make them work together. 

Then I came out the other side using my strength, determination and hard work. Now I look back and see that doing it myself was the right thing for me and I give back because I can and I love it.

What people are doing in big numbers is pretending, pretending to be ok, pretending to get on with life, even pretending to have it all together for fear of being judged by other people who may very well be fighting a silent battle too, they are hiding it as well as you. I couldn’t get help until I admitted I was struggling, only then was I able to take control.

Life and people may disappoint you on times – but you have a choice to not disappoint yourself

#beproud #determination #strength #commitment #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #bitter #disappointment #fighting #pride #choice #youhaveachoice