Emotional Impact
We need to stop defining people by and talking about trauma as if it’s a permanent scar on your DNA.
At EmotionMind Dynamic, we believe in a simpler, deeper truth: Every single life experience produces an emotional impact. It doesn’t matter if the world thinks an event was big or small. The size of the situation is irrelevant; the size of the impact is everything. You could have three children growing up in the same house of domestic violence, or four adults in the same car accident and you will get unique emotional imprints every single time.
Your life is a collection of these imprints. Every relationship, every loss, every disappointment , every shame, every guilt, but also every win, every laugh, and every bit of support creates an emotional memory in your emotional vessel
The Emotional Vessel
Think of your emotional structure as a vessel.
Positive events fill it with light, enjoyable memories and a pleasant experience. We go out of our way to relive the fun and the love. But negative events? They leave behind powerful, heavy emotions that begin to bury the good stuff and fill the emotional vessel.
I’ve had clients describe their emotional vessel as being as big as a car, a bus, a plane, or even a cruise liner. When that vessel is full of negative impact, it becomes your identity. It dictates your self-worth, your relationships, and whether or not you allow yourself to be successful. It causes anxiety, depression, burnout and it takes over your life.
How We “C.O.P.E” (Chosen Outlet for Powerful Emotions) The
When the vessel gets heavy, the brain demands a coping mechanism. Most people fall into two traps:
1. Repression: This is becomes a default setting for many. The brain denies and rejects the emotion before you can even comprehend it. You show nothing. You feel fine. But the body absorbs it all. The vessel fills up until there is no room left for joy. Happiness becomes hard work, with zero reward. You stop feeling anything good.
2. Suppression: This is the shorter term coping mechanism. You actively push it down for a few weeks or months, sometimes years. But unlike repression, suppression leaks out quickly. The emotions seep out of the cracks immediately, affecting everyone around you.
Coping vs. Managing: The Need vs. Choice
If you aren’t releasing, you are either C.O.P.E-ing or Managing.
C.O.P.E stands for the Chosen Outlet of Powerful Emotions. It is a chaotic, in the moment implementation of any behaviour that makes you feel in control, relief or that you have some kind power. It can present as:
• Pretending it’s not happening.
• Defending your position and your outbursts.
• Mending through fawning or people-pleasing.
It shows up as Volcano moments where you blow up over a tiny spoon left in the sink, or Sniper moments where you pick apart every little thing your partner or children do.
Managing fools us all. If you need to go to the gym 7 days a week. You need the yoga, the run, the swim to “get out of your head”, it is unhealthy.
Here is the test: If you are injured and can’t go for three weeks, do you feel okay? Or does the burnout, guilt, and shame come roaring back? If you need to do it to survive, it’s an unhealthy driver. If you are choosing to go and not going doesn’t make a difference, then it is heathy.
The Seven Behaviour Management Styles
In EmotionMind Dynamic we identify seven behaviour styles people use when the vessel is full and they need to C.O.P.E
1. Emotional self-harm or distress
2. Passive aggressive behaviour
3. Physical self-harm
4. Avoidance or distraction
5. Self-sabotage
6. Asserting control
7. Perception distortion
These behaviours can activate as often as every ten minutes. Most people never realise they are happening at such a rate, it becomes the norm.
EMD transcends the layers of release in other therapies. Where they stop at talking about it or around emotions, EMD, we digs deep to the emotional root. We start with giving yourself permission to be emotionally honest.
• Processing: Identifying, accepting and feeling the emtotions controlling you.
• Expression: There’s a difference between a heat of the moment rant (which leaves you feeling worse) and having your say unemotionally. We use reflection and letter writing to say everything you need to say without fear of reprisal or ruining a relationship.
• Release: This is the final layer. This is where we actually empty the vessel.
You don’t have to be emotionally honest with the world, but you must be emotionally honest with yourself. Without release, the vessel remains full, and you are left just managing a life that should be enjoyed.
It’s time to stop surviving the impact and start releasing the weight.
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